1. |
Introductions
02:14
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Sometimes I feel violent and awkward. Sometimes I just wanna go home. Tongue tied and anxious I just hope that this steady dose of medication can keep my mood swings in check, this healthy dose morals keep my feet straight. Because I've acknowledged that I am every stone in my way, and only I can break them away. So don't follow my footsteps or try to talk to me, because I live inside me head, married to my anxiety. Where shades of black and white blur into the vaguest gray that you will ever see. And I won't lie and say that I'm a good role model, however I can say that I'm a model for decay.
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2. |
Anomie
02:05
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Some people, they say that hell is repetition. Well, I could argue that its just human nature. And oh, our lives are fleeting so why do I keep repeating every negative thought. opportunities, they pass me by constantly. They chip away at who I am. But after all, whats the point, we're only human. does this seem fair to you, does this seem fair? what part of this is fair? nothing about this is fair. It troubles me how we can live in seclusion, just bowing our heads in our hands. biting our lips, and knotting up our stomachs, theres got to be a better way, I know were meant for more than this. Just reaching out our hands, waiting for someone to grab hold, and pull us away.
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3. |
Junebugs
02:15
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All my life I've been led on that somethings waiting for me. They always told me "kid one day you'll see". But every page flies off my calendar, and every grain of sand has been counted and checked in. And I still end up left out, always disappointed. I'd yell that It's not fair, but I don't have it in me to give in. Instead I'll throw this body forward, force myself through these motions. Almost seizing through every day, muscle spasms keep me going. Fueling myself with persistence to do everything myself. But by stringing me along on these woven yarns, you've got me thinking maybe I don't have to be alone. You said that everything would be fine, that you only wanted to know me. To be held in my arms and be kissed by me. You said you'd let me take everything, when all I wanted was you. my heart had grown so cold I never wanted you to stop wrapping your hands about it, and now thats all that I crave. So I'm cursing my luck that something so golden can turn to rust.
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4. |
To Fall Awake
02:36
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The voice is the first thing you forget when you lose someone, followed shortly by their smell, the way they said your name, how their touch ran down their face. Walking through these same old rooms you find yourself a ghost. Recalling past placements of feet you truly are alone. Calloused hearts once filled with warmth are now all cold and closed off. like a hand pressed against an old wooden window frame, the glass once full has long since been displaced. you truly are alone. Everything familiar has left me. And I refuse to tell you that I miss you, for no justice would be done. Instead I say that you are missing from me, as you have been everyday since you left, except from my memories.
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5. |
Pulling Teeth
03:21
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I don't know what to do with myself you never seem to listen. And try as I might to shelter your pain it isn't enough, my ears just aren't enough. And I never claimed to understand what your going through, I just wish I knew some way to help you. And watching you is like watching poetry in motion, a certain symmetry with every syllable of body language. And fixated on your flawless figure, your sad wanting eyes reaching out to me. Screaming my name, screaming for help. And so fickle I've become, I hide from myself, from my feelings. Telling myself not to turn away, When turning away is all that felt right. How can we fix this? can we make this better? mend sutures long since snapped, I don't know. I don't know if I'd want to, 'cause maybe... Maybe It's just how we talked to each other, words pouring out of our eyes. But now a drought has come over mine and I can longer swim, I'm drowning again. Je pense que ses peut-être moi, je t'aime, je suis désolé. Je pense qu'il cella doit être.
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6. |
Old Stories
01:43
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I always thought this would get easier as, as time gets longer I only find it getting harder. And they always tell you its a part of life. Being forgotten it's just what we've been raised to accept. But I don't think I've ever been ok with it, or ever let myself forget. When someone comes into your life, fills that void, opens their arms. When someone loves you unconditionally how are you supposed to forget or accept that their gone. How are we supposed to forget that you forgot? and how could we forget what you forgot. I refuse to file in or let my voice be drowned out. And the sound of my heart, beating faster with every thought. I wish I knew how to make it stop. But I can't so I'll just let my head fill up with thoughts of how I long to be gone from this place, to disappear without a trace. Leave no memory, forget my name, forget my face.
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7. |
Oleander
03:02
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Most nights I can't find any inspiration to carry on with myself. I open up my mouth, only ivory falls out. Teeth shattering like a nightmare, reacquainting myself with a blank stare. Dreams disappear. Just another limp body floating through sheets every night. Shameful I reach out for warmth where none can be found. Why can't I feel a thing? Why am I so numb? Why can't I sleep at night? Why can't I sleep? Sitting in my car I write the time away. And seconds they tick by, leaving me breathless. Motionless and still, and I catch myself getting lost in the sound of falling rain. dancing on my windshield to the tune of Auld Lang Syne. But what happened to our hearts? Pumping blood through each other. Working seamlessly with one another. We were meant to drop together, collapsing beautifully in unison. But now I find myself falling, alone. So why am I alone now? This is me when I'm at my best, this is me as I fall apart.
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